


Never Tell Spider-Man Anything

by RABNerd28



Category: Cable and Deadpool, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Secret Relationship, Tony torturing Scott Summers via Logan, groupchats, texts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28578819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RABNerd28/pseuds/RABNerd28
Summary: Cable and Deadpool finally admit their feelings for each other and get together, with a little help from Spider-Man. That might be a mistake though, because Peter making a vague tweet sends this news through many superhero's. This is why you can't trust Spider-Man with anything!
Relationships: Logan & Scott Summers, Logan (X-Men) & Kitty Pryde, Nathan Summers & Scott Summers, Nathan Summers/Wade Wilson, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark (briefly)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	Never Tell Spider-Man Anything

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is out of character in this it's because it's been a hot minute since I've ready any comics. I also don't know who knows who anymore and that's all guesswork.

Peter awkwardly stepped away as Wade and Nate got a little bit hotter and heavier than he ever wanted to see. He was happy that Wade finally got to be with the love of his life, but it didn't mean he wanted to watch them dry hump on a rooftop.

"I'm just gonna go now." He called awkwardly before swinging off. If Wade had a response he didn't hear it.

Once he was several city blocks away and couldn't even tell what rooftop they were on, he pulled out his phone. There were a few notifications from his spokespeople group chat, along with the other superhero friends he had group chat, a text from Cap asking if he was ready for tomorrow's meeting, a selfie from MJ, and several hundred from his official Spider-Man twitter. People liked his selfies. They've always had, just now he does them for free. He decided to give the people a fun update on his life.

"Just helped two friends realize they're in love with each other. Wish they had stopped making out long enough to say goodbye when I swung away though. Lol."

He didn't really think anything of it and checked his other notifications. He was in the Spiderchat when Carol sent him a message. It was his tweet with the words, "Umm...who and who?!?"

"You know Deadpool?"

"Sadly." She texted back.

"Do you know Cable?"

"I know of Cable. Never had the pleasure."

"They were friends years ago and I might have caused them to confess their feelings for one another."

"Aww. That's sweet. Can you do the same for Steve and Tony?"

"I'm not that good Carol. Lol."

He then closed his phone and swung the rest of the way home.

-

SpiderMom: What is Spidey#1 tweet about?

NottheOGMarvel: He got Cable and Deadpool together.

SpiderMom: I don't know either of them but good for them.

-

VanDAMN: OMG, CONGRATS!!!!!!

SpiderMom: You've congratulated me on my baby several times Jan. You're also a few months late.

VanDAMN: Not that, I just saw Spideys tweet. I can't believe you and Carol finally got together!

SpiderMom: ??????!!!!?!?#??!?????#! THATS NOT ABOUT US JAN!

VanDAMN: WHO ELSE COULD THAT BE ABOUT! The only other option is Grimm and Johnny Storm... you don't think…????

SpiderMom: No. According to Carol, it's about Cable and Deadpool.

VanDAMN: Oh...Im less invested now.

SpiderMom: Good. Now explain to me why you got so excited over me and Carol?

VanDAMN: Can't phones dead.

-

SPIDEYPEOPLE DO WHAT SPIDEYS DO

SpiderMom: b4 anyone assumes anything, Peters tweet is not about me and Carol.

SpiderG: Darn.

UltimateSpidey: there go all my hopes and dreams.

Spidey#1: I'm not a miracle worker okay. If I was we wouldn't have sexual tension between mom and dad.

SpiderG: I love that you call Steve and Tony that.

UltimateSpidey: who is it about then????

Spidey#1: Cable and Deadpool

SpiderG: Cable who???

UltimateSpidey: Whose Cable?

UltimateSpidey: Same shirt

SpiderG: it's same shoes dumbass

SpiderMom: Its same hat on this earth children. Get used to it.

Spidey#1: Cable is Cyclops' son from an alternate post apocalyptic future. I have no idea if that's still happening.

SpideyG: Diff earth?

Spidey#1: nope. Born here and sent to the future. It's complicated.

UltimateSpidey: This whole biss is

SpiderG: Will Peter use his new powers of ending sexual tension for good or evil!?

UltimateSpidey: Will he cause the Winter Soldier and Hawkeye to bang? Get Scarlet Vision back together? Make Venom and Eddie a couple??

SpiderG: aren't they already a couple?

CloneSaga: WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN!

-

HawkEYE: Wade Wilson is the most annoying man on the blanket

BetterHawkeye: I’m aware, but why this time????

HawkEYE: He sent me avery long string of texts about how hot the guy he just slept with is. There are things I didn’t need to know and that is all of them.

BetterHawkeye: Is that was Spiedy’s tweet was about?

HawkEYE: ????

BetterHawkeye: twitter.com/SpiderManOfficial/status/28403190457832

HawkEYE: I don’t knwo

BetterHawkeye: Learn to type

HawkEYE: learn to not sleep on my couch

BetterHawkeye: That’s u dumbass

HawkEYE: the craziest thing about that tweet is that deadpool had friends before 2010

BetterHawkeye: Ask spidey about it

HawkEYE: Nah. I don’t need to know moe

HawkEYE: OH GOD!

BetterHawkeye: What?

HawkEYE: Wait, it’s not as bad as I though. It’s just a pic of the dude sleeping.

BetterHawkeye: Anyone we know?? ;)

HawkEYE: Gross. You know any guy other than Bucky with a metal arm?

BetterHawkeye: Nope. Ask Ms Marvel. She knows every superhero ever. Even Grasshopper.

HawkEYE: How do you know who grasshopper is?

BetterHawkeye: I spent one day with her and I know more than I care to about the history of superheroes.

-

BetterHawkeye: Dude with a metal arm who knows Deadpool, go!

Double M: Cable. Mutant, born in space, family issues, go!

BetterHawkeye: Wasn’t playing a game, I just needed to know who this is

Double M: Okay...why?

BetterHawkeye: Spidey got him and Deadpool together I think.

Double M: CABLEPOOL CANON

BetterHawkeye: …?

Double M: THE FORUMS ARE GOING TO FLIP OUT

Double M: THE SPIDEYPOOL SHIPPERS ARE GOING TO BE SO UPSET

Double M: CABLEPOOL SHIPPERS ARE GOING TO CRY IN THE OTHER DIRECTION THOUGH

BetterHawkeye: Are you speaking in shipping?

Double M: I forgot who I was talking to for a second.

Double M: But yes, yes I was

BetterHawkeye: Roll Eye emoji

Double M: :P

BetterHawkeye: is Cable a big deal or something?

Double M: Did they not teach you about Providence in World History?

BetterHawkeye: I slept in world history

Double M: That is sad

BetterHawkeye: Hawkguy was dead for that I think...so, all my resources are tapped

Double M: Google is a thing

Double M: I am also a thing

BetterHawkeye: Nope. Too late. All history is forgotten. Must go annoy America now

Double M: Learn to google things!

Double M: The answer is also Vulcan, by the way!

-

THE FORUMS

Ms Marvel: How to casually leak to the internet that Spider-Man’s tweet is about Cablepool?

Spider-Man: Other Spider-Man for those wondering.

Ms Marvel: He told you???

Spider-Man: Blame Spider-Woman.

Hummingbird: Which one?

Spider-Man: Mom.

Nova: What is Cablepool and why should I care?

Ms Marvel: You don’t have to care, but people have been shipping them for years.

Moon Girl: I think you should keep it private...how do you even know that anyways?

Ms Marvel: Hawkeye told me.

Wiccan: Which one?

Ms Marvel: The better one.

Wiccan: I question how she would know that, but considering that Spider-Man didn’t tell you, it doesn’t seem like a good idea. Also, your AO3 account isn’t the most reliable source. Have you even met Deadpool?

Ms Marvel: I’ve met Wolverine

Wiccan: That’s not even close

Ms Marvel: Yes it is

America: All Canadians don’t know each other

Ms Marvel: That’s not what I mean and you know it!

-

CanadasAss: Guess who stole Priscilla’s virginity!

Dom: I don’t care

CanadasAss: Me, that’s who!

Dom: Did you use time travel to deflower a young Nate, because that’s hella sketchy, and I’m pretty sure you should be arrested right now.

CandasAss: No :( Gross. Last night, I did something no one else has done! Have sex with Nathan Summers :)

Dom: ...I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t the only one to have sex with Nate. I’ve literally had sex with him dumbass.

CanadasAss: Should have clarified that I meant that I’m the first person to have sex with him after he’s come back from the dead! Ha! Take that world!

Dom: Great. Never message me again.

-

IronHeart: How do I deal with never having to hear about other superheroes who I don’t know love life’s???

StarkIndustries: You ignore it and move on with your life.

IronHeart: Tell that to Ms Marvel. Apparently this is big news or something.

StarkIndustries: ????

IronHeart: Spider-Man caused Deadpool and Cable to date. I have no idea who Cable is but I feel sorry for him.

StarkIndustries: OMG. I can’t wait to see the look on Summers face!

-

Steve looked up from reading his newspaper, as Tony snickered at his phone. He’d never seen him so giddy first thing in the morning. Especially since he’s barely even drunken his coffee.

“What’s with you?” He asked. Tony looked over at him with a smile.

“Just finding out some news that is going to ruin Scott Summers' whole life.” Tony replied. He returned his attention back to his phone, typing some more. “Or at least the next several months.”

“Unless Logan’s trying to take Jean away from him, again, I don’t think anything could do that.” Steve returned to his newspaper, but Tony was now pulling it from his hands and shoving his phone in Steve’s face. “Hey!”

“Read this, while I tell you everything you could read on your phone.” Tony dropped the phone, and Steve caught it. Tony held the paper and started to fake read, making occasional interested noises. Steve couldn’t help but roll his eyes and looked at the phone.

-

StarkIndustries: I need you to tell me everyone who knows this!

IronHeart: Why???

StarkIndustries: I need so much evidence to ruin Cyclops’ life.

IronHeart: Ms Marvel got it from Kate, but that’s all I know. They were talking about it in The Forums last night.

StarkIndustries: Should I join that?

IronHeart: Stop trying to ruin things I enjoy by joining them old man.

-

“Tony, this is just RiRi insulting you.” Steve showed him the phone.

“Scroll up Cap.” Tony replied.

Steve did so, and saw the earlier messages. “Oh. Wait, seriously?”

“Apparently. This is all the fault of one Peter Parker.”

“I’m both surprised and not surprised.”

“You know both of them?”

“Yeah. Just that they’re very very opposites.”

“So are we. We work fine.”

“We’re talking about a guy who one built an island specifically for peace and a mercenary here.”

“No you have a point. Either way, Summers is going to hate this!” Tony grabbed his phone back from Steve. “I should text him right now.”

“I’m pretty sure he has most of us blocked. Either way, he’d never answer.”

“Right, Summers hates us more than we hate him. Maybe we should just contact Wolverine.”

“I can never get in contact with him. His only mode of communication is burner phones.”

“Luckily I can send vague cryptic messages to the one person who I know he keeps in contact with.” Tony then started to type on his phone again.

“How long has this been a thing?”

“Cable and Deadpool? Apparently since last night.”

“Wow, they couldn’t even keep in a secret for less than a day.”

“That’s why, you don’t tell Spider-Man anything.” Tony drammatically pressed send. “Oh, I should tell her I want Summers action recorded and sent back to me.”

“It’s surprising given how fast news travels that we can keep us a secret from everyone.” Steve smiles as he spoke. Tony then leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“That’s because we’ve had sexual tension for years, and everyone just assumes that it’s still extremly unresolved.”

-

“Logan!” Logan freaked out slightly when Kitty phased through the ceiling and onto his shoulders. “Wanna ruin Scott’s life?”

“Don’t do that Kitty!” Logan gently lifted her off from around his shoulders and onto the floor. “But I would like to do that.”

“Great, because I have a mission from Tony Stark.” She replied, holding up her phone.

“That alone is going to ruin his day.” He said. “What’s Stark got that Summers is going to hate?”

“You know how Cable’s back from the dead?”

“I don’t know when the last time he died was, because he does it so often, but sure.”

“Well, after a few hours of digging, and finally getting Spider-Man’s contact information, I have discovered that one Nathan Summer is in a relationship with someone that his father would greatly dissaprove of.”

“Considering his past relationships, I can’t think of anyone that Summers would approve of.”

“While you are correct, in that it is someone from young Nathan’s past, it is not someone that he has previously had relations with. That we know of.”

“You know Kitty, you don’t need to be vague. You can just say who it is.”

“Yeah, but you’re gonna freak out when I say it, and I want to get the wheels turning first.”

“This is a weird sick game you’re playing Pryde.”

“‘Weird’ and ‘sick’ are probably words you would use to describe this person. And I’m pretty sure you have.”

“I could just call Spider-Man and ask him.”

“Alright, one final hint. He sure does talk a lot. A lot. Some would give him a moniker that also mentions how often he talks. To an annoying degree.”

Logan stared at her for a second before it all clicked together. “No fucking way.”

“Yes fucking way.”

“Wade! Cable’s with Deadpool now!”

“Oh just scream it so that Scott will hear it before I can record him.”

“Can’t help it, that’s just the worst possible option. But also, fucking finally!”

“Why the finally?”

“I’ve heard Wade describe too many fantasies about Cable’s arm for me to not know that he’s obsessed with him. Also, Cable’s one of the few people in the universe who can stand Wade for some reason. Why do we need to record Summers reaction?”

“That’s half my mission. Recording Scott’s reaction and sending it back to Stark.”

“Oh, he and Cap are going to get a laugh out of that.”

“Guess they’re next on the ending sexual tension list.” Logan decided to keep his mouth shut. Not everyone could smell the two after the post-mission “debriefings”. “Oh and he wants you to be the one to tell him.”

“Why me?”

“What would make this the worst day of Scott’s life?”

“That might have been true years ago, but Scott and I are fine now.”

“So you won’t do it?”

“Oh no, I’m doing it. I want front row seats to his reaction.”

“Alright, now we just have to find a way for him to hear the news and record it.”

“Start brainstorming kid.”

-

Scott leaned back against his seat, resting his eyes for a second after he graded so many papers. The lack of sleep wasn’t helping, and neither was the pain behind his eyes.

“You awake there Summers?” Scott turned at the familiar gruff voice of Logan, who had circled his chair and now come to lay down on the couch beside it.

“Sadly, yes.” He replied. He didn’t expect Logan to care or ask how he was. There were a few moments of silence before Scott returned to his grading, and Logan apparently decided that this was the perfect place for his nap. At least he didn’t decide to smoke.

“You keep in contact with Cable?” Logan asked after a few minutes.

“When I can.” Scott admitted. He had a complicated relationship with his son, but they were always trying to make it slightly less so. At least as uncomplicated as it could be when one gets kidnapped and raised in a post-apocalyptic future before time traveling back to the present. “Why do you ask?”

“Was talking to Kitty earlier.” He replied. “She heard some rumor about him.”

“Should I be concerned?” Scott pushed the times that Nate had done some rather ambiguous things in the name of keeping the world safe. But to be fair, he had done the same as well.

“A little.” It was at that that Scott turned his full attention to Logan. He noticed and gave an eyeroll. “Relax, Slim. It’s not anything world ending. For most of us at least. You’re not gonna like it though.”

“God Logan, you’re so weird. Just say what it is.”

“Apparently he’s dating Wade.” A smirk was wide on Logan’s face, and Scott had to think for a minute before remembering who that was.

“Deadpool?”

“Yup.”

“You honestly want me to believe that Nathan is dating Deadpool. That’s ridiculous.”

“Just as ridiculous as them being friends?” Scott didn’t say anything to that. He didn’t really understand how anyone, let alone Nathan could stand the former mercenary, but he normally just left it alone. “I thought that too. Then Kitty was showing me all these texts from everyone else who knows.” Logan shrugged. “Might be real.”

Scott just stared at him. “What texts?” Logan just pulled out his phone and spent a few minutes on it. “Seriously Logan?” Scott then felt his phone vibrate and there was a text from Logan, including several file attachments.

“Seriously.” Scott would say that Logan was now giving him a smirk, but it hadn’t left his face since he first entered the room.

Scott tentatively opened the message. He really shouldn’t be looking. These were just probably some rumors through the superhero community. There were a lot of those. Some about how most of the Avengers were sleeping with each other, or which of the Spider-People were dating. Or how Captain Marvel was clearly with Spider-Woman. There were even rumours about Spider-Man and Deadpool. Honestly, he really shouldn’t be paying them any mind. But this was all coming from Logan, who didn’t care about those things either. Especially since he cut someone’s phone in half when they joke read a tweet about him and Kitty being a couple.

So, he scrolled through the screenshots and links that Logan had sent him. Starting backwards like and idiot. In the end he really couldn’t deny what was right in front of him. All of which was in the past sixteen hours. What the hell!

“Oh my god.” He hung his head down and pretty much facepalmed. “What the hell, Nate?”

“He could do worse.” Logan decided to but in. Scott could practically imagine his face right now.

“He could do a lot better.” Scott rubbed his eyes behind his glasses. “And did you just say he could do worse than Deadpool?”

-

Nate finished up the omlet he was making. Wade used to have a limited amount of food in his apartment, but luckily he’d been taking care of himself since the last time Nate was over, and had a mostly stocked fridge. Wade was still sleeping, so he thought he’d make him something to wake up to. Even with the stocked fridge, he had no idea if any of Wade’s cooking habits had changed. Just as he placed the first omlet on the plate, his phone started vibrating. He looked to see that the caller ID was his father. Nate didn’t think it was odd, but they weren’t known for just casually checking in on each other. He grabbed it and answered.

“Scott.” He said quickly.

“Please tell me this is some massive prank.” Scott said immediately, confusing Nate.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Nate responded.

“That you’re fucking dating Deadpool!” Nate paused at that.

“That sentence could have gone a different direction.” Nate heard Logan say from the other side of the call.

“Shut up Logan!” Scott bit out.

“How do you even know that?” Nate asked. They hadn’t even told anyone. Although, he technically left Wade unsupervised for several hours and he said he was going to tell all of his contacts. He didn’t think his father was in them.

“Oh my god, it’s fucking true!” Nate had to remove the phone away from his ear. Even without the screech of old tech reacting to yelling, he didn’t exactly enjoy the feeling of it.

“Did Wade tell you?” He asked when he returned the phone.

“What-no. Logan did.”

“Wade told Logan?” Nate figured that would probably be one of the people Wade told. He sometimes liked to pretend they were best friends.

“No, Kitty told Logan.” That was weird. Nate wasn’t even sure if Wade was on good enough terms with Kitty to have her number. “Look, Nate. You’re my son and I want you to be happy, I really do, but did you have to be with fucking Deadpool! You can do better than Deadpool.”

“This is not how I wanted this conversation to go, or happen.” Nate admitted, he pressed his fingers to his temple hoping to alleviate some of the pain.

“I’m gonna admit, that I never really got why you were so attached to him?”

“Getting attached to a murderous canadian whose a product of weapon X? I thought I got that from you.” Scott’s pause told Nate all that he needed.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Scott almost yelled.

“Oh this has been great.” Nate heard Kitty’s voice through the phone.

“Kitty, when did you-ARE YOU RECORDING ME!?” Scott yelled.

“I’m livestreaming.” Kitty said.

“Kitty you can’t just-” Nate pressed the off button on the phone. He didn’t want to hear that argument, and Scott was probably going to be yelling for a while.

“Oh, this is a good dream.” Nate looked to the bedroom. Wade was standing in the doorway, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, wearing just his boxers and a t-shirt with Bea Arthur on it. Nate didn’t think there was a better site anywhere in the world. “Although, you’re supposed to be wearing less clothes right now.”

“I made you breakfast.” Nate replied. Wade looked at the set of omelets, before looking back at Nate. He elected to ignore them in favor of walking over and hugging Nate. Nate hugged him back and leaned down. They shared a kiss, and when they broke apart, Nate saw a content smile on Wade’s face.

“Have I ever mentioned that I love you?” Wade asked.

“You mentioned it quite a bit last night.” Nate answered.

“Well, I better not let your delicious breakfast go to waste.” Wade turned to the kitchen counter and grabbed his omelet and a fork, quickly digging in as he walked to the table. “You’re the only one whose allowed to cook for me from now on, Priscilla.”

"Thanks Wade." Nate joined him in a second, only to have Wade be mostly done with his food by then. "Who'd you tell."

"Very few people know you can cook, and I will keep that a secret if you want me too." Wade then looked up for a moment, before his eyes got wide for a second. "Oh, you mean about us? Like five people."

"Five?"

"What did you expect?"

"Well you said that you were going to tell everyone in your contacts."

"Well I was, but that sounded like too much work. So I just told, Domino, Bob, Hawkeye, Spider-Man, I forgot he already knew, and then Wolverine. But his number was disconnected." Nate raised an eyebrow at him. "Fine, he blocked me again. Doesn't mean he's still not rude for not responding to my texts."

"My father wasn't among them?"

"Oh no. I want to try and get Summers Sr. to like me before you tell him. You might want to keep us a secret for awhile. I'm sure the readers will love that." Wade turned to Nate and noticed the tentative look on his face. "What?"

"I received a call from him this morning. He knows we’re in a relationship.”

“What!” Wade threw himself over the table and grabbed Nate’s shirt, pulling them face to face. “You told him!”

“No. Logan, told him.”

“Oh my god, he does read my texts!” Wade now had his trademark smile on his face.

“No, because Kitty told him.”

“How did Kitty even know?” Wade asked. “Oh my god. Spider-Man cannot be trusted with any information. This is clearly his fault. He clearly told everyone.”

“I highly doubt that.” Just then Nate’s phone started ringing again. Wade looked over at it, and they both saw Scott’s name on the caller ID. Before Nate could even think, Wade had grabbed the phone and was now holding it to his ear. “Wade-”

“Hell Mr. Summers.” He said, nervously. Nate was ready to listen to this one sided conversation. “First you have to promise to stop yelling...okay, now you have to give me a chance to make you like me...What do you mean “never gonna happen”?...Well then in that case, guess what Priscilla and I did last night? Hello? Hello?” Wade removed the phone from his ear. “You’re dad does know it’s very rude to hang up on someone while they’re talking, right?”

“I thought you were trying to get him to like you?” Nate took the phone from Wade’s hand.

“Well he said, “never gonna happen”, so I take that as a challenge in the opposite direction.” Nate rolled his eyes. “You get your rude attitude from him, you know that?”

“Probably.”


End file.
